Desiring2Delight: Adagio

The Lord your God is with you,
    the Mighty Warrior who saves.
He will take great delight in you;
    in his love he will no longer rebuke you,
    but will rejoice over you with singing.

DELIGHT. What does it mean to delight? How and what does it mean to take great pleasure in something...or in someone? Well, the Lord feels that greatly about His children. Do you realize the significance of that? This isn't just a happy feeling that God gets when He looks at us. No, it is a feeling of absolute pleasure. 

I think desire and delight are strongly connected: we all want to take pleasure in something and that often is expressed in our desires. The culture we live in today tells us that if we want something, if we desire it, than it must not only be right for us, but we have every right to give into it. And so we spend an inordinate amount of time pursuing our desires, whether they are good for us or not, and giving into them. And in the process we have become undisciplined; we have become slaves to our desires and let them rule us, rather than us ruling our desires.

And in the process of losing our discipline we have also sacrificed our ability to delight. We have not learned how to restrain ourselves...because we believe that restraint, in some way, means that we are not free. And to not be free in twenty-first century Canada is unthinkable: because we are about "freedom." 

I would argue that the exercise of discipline over desires is essential for a purer expression of delight when we receive our desires. Because there is an element to delight of the unrestrained, where one forgets oneself completely, and is free to take pleasure in something or someone. Where there is no discipline necessary to hold back...but complete freedom. And it is enjoyed all the more because we know how much work it is to restrain ourselves. And so when we can be unrestrained, the freedom to be so is all the purer for it.

Take a minute and reflect on things that you delight in. If that is too difficult - start with things you are thankful for and work your way backward.

Desiring 2 Delight: Prelude

The next few posts are going to be dedicated to some of my learning and reflection from my summer in Sauble Beach, and what God taught be about Himself...and subsequently about myself.

I grew up in a theological tradition that had a lot of emphasis on the sinfulness of the human heart, and the utter depravity (can you guess which tradition?) of humanity. Although there was (is) a strong emphasis on grace as a theological concept in this tradition, I realized that I had not fully learned how to accept grace with myself. Yes, not only did I understand (in my head) that I needed grace and was sinful, but I did see it in my own heart and life. I was sinful. My heart was not inclined towards service, but was inclined to selfish.

I remember taking an introduction to biblical counseling course when I was in university, and, what I remember most keenly was how physically sick I felt for about a week after that course. After spending forty hours thinking and meditating, learning and reflecting on the human condition, I felt that someone had shown me the darkness of my own heart and the inclination of my flesh, and what I saw was so heinous it made me sick; I was, quite literally, carrying around with me my own worst enemy. 

Now before you all jump up and shout about the need for the balance of grace, I want you to stop and ask yourself if you truly and deeply, and honestly, have considered your own sinfulness. I believe that too often these days, we pridefully make assumptions about our own ability and our own morality. I mean, its not like we are killing anyone, or stealing. We all lead decently moral lives it seems.

But is that what God wants? Decently moral people? In my opinion, morality can be the carbon dioxide of the Christian life; it silently and slowly lulls us to sleep because we less and less believe in the need for grace in our lives. Morality is not about a relationship with God, it is a lifestyle that is meant to be a by-product of a relationship with God. Sadly though, often even the church is unable to differentiate between whether a moral lifestyle is just that: a moral lifestyle. Or whether it is a manifestation of a transformed heart.

I was having dinner this summer with a couple from a church I was working with (at), and over dinner we were talking about how church is becoming more and more irrelevant for young people. He said to me, "I just don't think that people think they are sinners any more." How true that is. People no longer think they are sinners in need of grace.

Do you honestly believe and see your need for grace? 

***keep reading next post - because this is VERY related to delight - but as someone wise once said "there is a time for everything..."

The only thing I'm sure of is the fact that I'm not sure

I am in a place in my life right now where nothing is sure. In fact, the only thing I am sure of right now...is the fact that I'm unsure. In no specific order:
- I have no job (or no fixed income)
- I have no place to live (other than my parents, thanks dad and mom)
- I have no idea when, or even if, I will be able to graduate
- I have no idea what community/church I am being called to be a part of
- I am not really sure how/where I am being called to use my gifts, heart and training

In short, NOTHING, in my life is sure. No, let's correct that: nothing, from a worldly perspective, in my life is sure.  But daily, even hourly, I am called to remind myself of the words "Seek first the kingdom of God, and all these things will be added onto you." Now, I am not saying to do A ("seek the kingdom of God") in order to receive B ("all these things") - because if we are seeking A for the purpose of B, then we are not really seeking A at all. No, I am saying that God is calling me to a kingdom mindset, even more so in a time where a lot of logistical things can (and honestly, at times they do) make me anxious.

What does it mean to seek the kingdom of God, in a time where I don't even understand or can't count on certain things (such as income) in order to live? Well, isn't that really the question? What does it mean to really live? What does it mean to seek, to look out for, to search after the reign of God? In a time like this, it means that it starts in my own heart. To let God's kingdom come into my own heart. To allow Him to work on all those anxieties, that lack of trust, that fear, and to transform my heart. It means to become even more a citizen of heaven, a person who is concerned with the heart of him/her self, and the hearts of others. In short, it is about the type of person that I am in this time of uncertainty. Because the type of person I am will change the way that I live in this time, and in that, I hope I can begin to have a greater understanding of what it means to truly live.

Part 2: Don't over complicate

"The Gospel should NEVER get lost in our attempts to theologize...the pain of the cross can speak for itself, without us having to create four syllable words to describe it. The excitement of the resurrection shouldn't be forgotten. It was (is) the game changer."

Sometimes in our efforts to have a deeper or fuller understanding of the Gospel (which may not necessarily be better) we forget the experience of it. In our attempts to think it through, mull it over, and then put it on paper or articulate it, we forget two things:

1. The Gospel lived: it existed as the person Jesus Christ
2. And we are called to live it, not just think about it.

It seems to me that many of our summer interactions most often start with the second question: how do we live out this Gospel in our lives here and now? And I wonder if it is because we often forget, in all of our attempts to understand things better, we forget that is is about understanding a person better. So maybe if we began to answer question number one, the answer to question number two would be more obvious.

In my times spent with kids, I was continually reminded that I had to introduce these kids to a person...not to a theological worldview (for all you Redeemer grads...lol). And people are known not through fact alone, but also through experience. So I can introduce Jesus through story (fact) but I also needed to introduce Him in person (experience), which called me to live it out in my relationship with each kid.

What I (Re)Learnt this summer

I can't believe it was the last day of summer camp...already. It has felt long, but short, at the same time. It was fun, but tiring; easy, but hard.

We went out in true style with a pancake breakfast with toppings that only a kid could come up with. Everything from apples, strawberries, whipped topping, cookies, jujubes, (yep, you read that right), gummy bears, chocolate chips...and syrup on top of all of that. (Really, I'm just sending them home on a complete sugar high to thank the parents for all the energy I got this summer.)

But I am thankful for a number of things that I (re)-learned this summer: (in no order, and with expansion to come in further posts)

1) Life is fun, especially when you expect it to be fun.
2) Celebrate the small stuff. It's important. And many small things make big things
3) The Gospel should NEVER get lost in our attempts to theologize...the pain of the cross can speak for itself, without us having to create four syllable words to describe it. The excitement of the resurrection shouldn't be forgotten. It was (is) the game changer
4) Never underestimate the importance of having your own time with God before you spend time with others.
5) Singing never goes out of style
6) Neither does a good game of Capture of the Flag
7) It's important that we learn to listen to each other and that everyone gets a chance to be heard.
8) Prayer. I had the goal of teaching the kids to pray out loud by the end of the summer. (Some did not even know what prayer was.) I saw this goal come to pass, thanks be to God.
9) The phrase "I love you" is not said often enough.
10) Don't forget to say "thanks" to those who impact you. It goes a long way to encouraging them to keep doing what they are doing.

an unexpected glimpse

My experience  and expectation of building relationships with people, and working with them (such as I have been doing this summer) is that more often then not, you don't get to see the impact of your time together. More often then not, we pass each other like ships in port, harboring each other for a time, and then move on to different seas. So it has been rare for me to see or hear how what I have done/am doing has affected someone....even more so in a summer/seasonal ministry.

You never know...
            what seeds you plant
            what sprouts you water
            or what fruit is being born

This week I was blessed with a little bit of encouragement from one of the parents of two of the boys at North Club. For the past seven weeks her sons have attended North Club almost daily, and over the course of those weeks, have learned what prayer is (talking and listening to God), how to pray (closed hands, open hands, closed eyes, open eyes, etc.), what to pray for (thanksgiving, other people, yourself, etc.) and to pray aloud and in front of others.

So I was immensely encouraged to have a mother tell me that because her boys have been praying at North Club, they are now eager to pray at home, with her. They now pray together.

You just don't know what the Lord is doing behind the scenes.

Young Adult Church Dropouts...? Or just Adult Church Dropouts?

A few years ago, I read a book called "Quitting Church" - which in essence was a study about why more and more faithful, bible believing Christians were leaving the "conventional" church and moving on to, well, nothing. (Yes, I and I see that some may take issue with the fact that I used the term "faithful" but I'm not going to get side-tracked.) It seems that these people, all have a genuine faith and a sincere desire to serve God, are finding that their experience in the church was not that helpful in facilitating the growth of that relationship - especially in relevance to every day life. And as a result: they stop going.

Now part of working up in a beach filled with party-hearty young people, fewer and fewer which I see in the pews on Sunday, makes me reflect again on the relevance of church into everyday life. I recently read a survey by The Barna Group (full article found here) on the Five Myths about Young Adult Dropouts. In essence the five myths were: (mostly in my own words)

1) It happens because of high school
2) Its just a phase
3) It happens because of college
4) Young Adults are Biblically illiterate
5) They will come back (which they don't)

Remember these are myths.  So The Barna Group researched and found that this fantastical thinking is how people frame the absence of young adults in the church. To quote from a new book by David Kinnaman called "You Lost Me": 

"Churches, organizations and families owe this generation more. They should be treated as the intelligent, capable individuals they are—a generation with a God-given destiny. Renewed commitment is required to rethink and realign disciple-making in this new context. Mosaic believers need better, deeper relationships with other adult Christians. They require a more holistic understanding of their vocation and calling in life—how their faith influences what they do with their lives, from Monday through Saturday. And they also need help discerning Jesus' leading in their life, including greater commitment to knowing and living the truth of Scripture."

I read that and I only hear one word: relevance.  To quote: "how their faith influences what they do with their lives, from Monday through Saturday." But isn't that the question for all of us? How does faith influence our lives...every day...from the time we step out of church until the time we step back in? In "Quitting Church" the issue wasn't age - the issue was relevance. When we focus in on an age (such as young adults) we get specific issues that they face at that time in their life...but let's not do a disservice to everyone who is not a young adult...because the reality is that we all struggle with how to make our faith relevant. We all want to know what difference creational thinking is going to make in our relationships with co-workers. Or how understanding the Trinity will change our view of the environment. Or how knowing that the fruit of the Spirit isn't manifested in road rage.

And maybe, maybe, we are one step ahead of ourselves. Maybe instead of asking "how" will this make a difference, we need to ask "why" will this make a difference. 

John Ortberg on Spiritual Disciplines

If you want a quick but excellent summary and purpose of spiritual disciplines: Listen here. It's worth it.

The other half

So I have begun the second half of my  job - which is running a kids club from 10am-12noon. Yep, its not long, but boy do those kids have a lot of energy! Already, I find the honesty of my kids refreshing and here are a few things I have learned from them (and people think I'm teaching them....haha)

- they are refreshingly ready to love you. I forgot how easy it can be to just look for reasons to like someone. I hope I can keep learning
- there is no guile - what you see is what you get and what you hear from them is what is. Yes, there may be the exception, but kids just say and do what they want. There is no masking of behaviour. What a person sees or hears from them...is.
- small things are fun. I believe this, but its easy to forget
- small things should be celebrated. Affirm what is good.
- they are expecting things to be fun, and with that expectation they make things fun

When did I lose this?

27 reasons to be thankful to be....27 (so original)

Here it is - two days late  - but in honour of my birthday I want to celebrate the things I've learned/gotten to do/am thankful for. In no particular order (or maybe in some sort of order...) and some serious and some not...here they are.

27. SOFT contact lenses. I did have hard. They felt like you had two pennies in your eyes.
26. Soccer (dear Netherlands, sniff...what are we going to do...)
25. Sushi of any sort
24. Volleyball - competitive - I admit I'm a bit of a snob
23. Hagelslag - not a swear word - and if you don't know what it is click here
22. Theodore
21. Jacob
20. Hetty
19. Laurence
18. Candace
17. Rachel (yes, some say that is cheating, but what else can you do with six siblings?)
16. My parents
15. the invention of scuba diving (I mean think about it, HOW, did that happen?)
14. that I learnt early that lying is not a good idea (yes there is a story here and it involves velcro shoes...hahaha)
13. Living in Honduras
12. Learning Spanish - I say "learning" intentionally.
11. That for once in my life having a name as dutch and a long as mine could be fun - I am still written down in the books through Central America as Amanda Van Helsing.
10. guitar
9. piano
8. my health - which seems to have a mind of its own - but I am still thankful
7. a growing desire to find something (not someone unless its me) to laugh at
6. friends - whom I am continually blessed to know and journey with
5. that I have gotten to study more and love it - yes I am a nerd -
4. traveling
3. sushi - did I mention that? - oh I must really like it
2. Afterbite
1. On a serious note, I am thankful to live in a country where the is freedom to openly worship Christ, and to have grown up in a family that follows Him as well.
\manda

"Sunday comes around...every week."

As my first foray into "official" preaching winds down (six weeks of sermon prep and service prep and leading straight) I reflect on a few things that I have learned in the process:

1) No matter what, every week, every seven days, Sunday comes around. Meaning no matter what, something needs to be ready and prepared within just over 144 hours. But whose counting?

2) A Sabbath is a must. God is a wise God - and His command to take a break is for our benefit. Let me put it another way: there should be a WHOLE 24 hour period where you do NOT think about the sermon - or where you repeat to yourself "I will not think of next Sunday's sermon - over and over.
3) Let go of your perfectionist tendencies. I know I had to. I am so self-critical that if I begin to reflect and knit-pick everything that isn't right or can be done better then I lose the hope that I am meant to embody in my message.
4) Keep your eyes fixed upward. The moment you start worrying about what people are going to say then something else has entered into the process of learning God's truth for that week.
5) It really is true "The heart of a man plans His step, but the Lord directs His paths." Many times I began my message by thinking I was going in a certain direction, and God almost surprised me by where I ended up.The steps I took through the sermon preparation process were the ones needed to keep me moving, but God had my course and destination a head of time. I just had to get there.
6) When you are weak, then God is strong.

7) I know that I want to see more and more people involved in worship - from prayer, to reading of Scripture, to collection, to greeting, to hospitality, to worship leading, to singing, etc. Why the same people doing the same things? Man! I loved it when people get to participate. (Plus it lets me focus more on the one thing I need to focus on in a worship service.)



\manda

Look in the right direction...

I was conflicted. That's what happened. To use a metaphor: it was like I had tasted something REALLY good, and I was intrigued by it and wanted to examine it closer - but at the same time I had grown up thinking this thing was inedible. So...what to do?

Well, for starters I sought the council of many people. I had done a lot of reading, biblical and otherwise, on the topic for a number of years. Yet there did not seem to be a conclusive and decisive opinion. I had friends and family, literally, in both "camps" - those who felt it was not right (thinking of specific texts in Timothy and Corinthians, the curse following the Fall, etc) and those who were surprised by my struggle because they had grown up in churches with female pastors (think that these texts in Timothy and Corinthians were more contextual then we realized, that all are equal in Christ, etc.) I felt myself pulled in two directions. Pulled in two horizontal directions and if I wasn't careful I would end up breaking trying to appease one or the other.

Until I realized I was looking in the wrong direction.

I needed to look upwards. Toward God. What did HE have to say about this? And more specifically what did HE have to say about me?

In that I realized a few things:

1. Preaching is a gift - it is a proclamation of the Gospel. And that, my friends, can only come from one place: God Himself. Our sinful nature, our self-reliance, our desire for autonomy all naturally screams for the opposite of the Gospel. To proclaim Him victorious & Him risen is something that only comes from God.

2. God would not give a gift that would make one of His children less like what He has planned in His redemption of creation. That simply would not make sense. If it was not His plan to have women preach, then no female would ever have the gift to preach.

3. God does not make mistakes. He created me EXACTLY as I am meant to be, and because I am pursuing Him I am becoming even more like He would have me be. Not less so. Which means that this is part of my sanctification as well. Moreover, He takes delight in me, which includes the gifts He gives me.



So I realized that I had a choice in front of me: I needed to choose between FEAR or FAITH. I could make my choice and shrink in FEAR of what others (family and friends) would say regarding this part of my life OR I could make a choice and step in FAITH, trusting in the character of God and His plan for me.

So I took the step.

to be continued...

\manda

The juxtaposed journey: a female...and in leadership. PART 1

I grew up in a church where the concept of female leadership did not exist outside Sunday school or the nursery. There were no female deacons, elders, and certainly - no female pastors. Women participated in the worship service with the use of their musical gifts, but that was as far as it went. I am not saying this as a judgement. It is just the simple truth. And I know that some of you reading this, still hold strongly to that belief. I would say that even some of my friends hold this belief. Others reading this may have always had female leaders in their churches, and have never thought twice about it. However, I feel compelled to write on this topic because I have been lead to service in, what I believed five years ago, was not a biblical vocation for a woman. The following, my reflection on women in leadership, is not meant to be judgmental, but is a honest discussion of my own journey.

Entering my final year of seminary, I strongly was convicted that if I was graduating with a Masters of Divinity (though my focus is in Pastoral Care and Counseling), at the very least, I needed to learn how to preach. "If you are getting a degree that says you are trained for ministry, then you need to be trained for ministry in every way possible" I thought to myself. And so I signed up for an introduction to preaching class, still unconvinced that it was something I should be doing.Certainly I was expecting my professor, a former pastor with 25 years of experience, to end the semester by saying something to the effect of "Well, Amanda, preaching is not your thing, but maybe try your gifting here."  ("Here" being anywhere but preaching.)

But that didn't happen. Instead I received immensely positive feedback from classmates and teacher alike. And surprisingly, I HAD SO MUCH FUN during the preparation and the giving of the sermon itself. Now I am not here to toot my own horn, because I have ALOT to learn about preaching, but the fact could not be avoided that: I was able to preach. And.... I enjoyed it.

SO NOW WHAT?

stay tuned....




\manda

 The glory of the Christian walk is that we have the FREEDOM to be INTENTIONAL.

Without Christ, our  nature inclines us to one thing, and one thing only: sin.

Through Christ we are able to choose life and with life we are enabled to be intentional. This should not overwhelm us, but instead, this empowers us to do exactly as our new nature would both choose and enable us to live.

you know you have (fill in appropriate word) issues when...

you know you have commitment issues when you don't want to commit to a three-year phone plan