The real secret: who are you when no one is looking?

This past summer I spent I good chunk of my time in isolation. It was a feast or famine scenario: either I had a lot of people around, all the time, OR, I had no one around at all. Not a single person.

It was during these times by myself that I learned a lot. Not just about myself but also about God. It was in these stretches of being by myself, these times when no one was around to affirm, support, direct, supervise, oversee, challenge, (in)validate, and any other action words you can insert here, that the truths of Matthew 6 were impressed upon me.

In this passage, the phrase "Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret..." is repeated a few times. It is the "done in secret" that caught my attention.  And we are talking about a "secret" so hidden that your 'left hand does not know what your right hand is doing' (my paraphrase). Others are not to be aware of your giving, not aware of your praying, not aware of your fasting. These actions, which are also practiced as part of community, are assumed to be part of that personal space that no one else sees. In Jesus words: "be careful not to practice your righteousness in front of others..." (6.1) but do "in secret."

Why this emphasis on "in secret." Because the incarnate God also truly knows our hearts. He know that we crave human recognition and affirmation of who we are by what we do. He knows that tendency of ours to seek our identity in our performance, and our desire for definition in how we are perceived in the eyes of others.

BUT: it is when no one else is looking that who you are is revealed. It is when no one else will ever know that you scrubbed that toilet, or washed those windows, or cleaned out those cupboards. When no one else knows or even cares that this report is written or that you listened to that song. Or that you looked at that website or that you fantasized about that relationship. 

I'm not just saying this because the age old phrase of "well, God sees" is applicable here. I'm saying this because you are able to know what type of person you are from the way you spend your time when no one else is looking. The "in the secret" part is not for God to know who we are. He knows us more deeply than we know ourselves. No, the "in the secret" part is for us; it is a way that we are able to gauge and measure ourselves. And it is in the secret that our true selves are shown. 

So: who are you when no one is looking?

The Nature of Waiting

In this season of the unknown, I have been led to reflect on the nature of waiting. Psalm 27 says that we are  to "Wait on the Lord. Be of good courage. Wait on the Lord. And He shall strengthen your heart."

I think society, and if we are honest - our human nature, is uncomfortable with waiting. Waiting is what you do before a meeting with a friend. Waiting is what you do when you are in line. Waiting is what you do for the bus.Waiting is what you do when you can't do anything.

But is that really true?

Scripture tells us that "waiting" is not inactivity; waiting is an activity. Waiting is a choice, not a consequence. Waiting implies intention, even in inaction. Waiting is a decision, not a default motion. Waiting, is an act, of hope, not hopelessness.

In short, waiting is doing something. The choice to wait, is in and of itself, a choice. It is not indecision; it is a decision. To hold out for something...or someone...is to decide for that thing or for that person.

So when I choose to wait, I choose to hold out for, to hope for, God. For His plan for me. Even if I feel that I am doing nothing, I am doing something: I am waiting.

Lessons from kids: Part 1

 After three years of analyzing, over-analyzing, theologizing, over-theologizing (is that possible?), reading, writing, re-writing, editing, proofing, learning this and that theory and approach (think counselling focus of degree), this summer found me with an unexpected gift: a reminder of life's simplicity, as seen through the eyes of kids. The more time I spent with the kids the more I was reminded of things I had forgotten, and instead of me being the teacher, I became the student. Without further ado, or in the kid-language: here I go:

1) Life is fun, especially when you expect it to be fun. How often do I show up at events, dreading various parts of the evening, or already having thought ahead to what I can say, or can't say. By the time I get there, my mind is made up about whether I will have a good time or not. And usually I have decided for the "not." But everyday without fail this summer, North Club kids showed up (even early) ready and expecting to have fun. They looked for the fun in the activities we were doing, and in doing that, they found the fun. (Or maybe even made the fun?) Enough said.

2) Celebrate the small stuff. I remember being reminded of this when I was in Honduras. It is not that I know God's care for me through the big things of my life - but it is through the small little, everyday occurrences that are particular to me, that show His care and love for me. Therefore, nothing is too small to thank Him for, or to ask Him about. We can pray for everything from fly fishing, to friends in school, to grandma's health. All of it. Every last thing.

John Ortberg on Spiritual Disciplines

If you want a quick but excellent summary and purpose of spiritual disciplines: Listen here. It's worth it.

"Sunday comes around...every week."

As my first foray into "official" preaching winds down (six weeks of sermon prep and service prep and leading straight) I reflect on a few things that I have learned in the process:

1) No matter what, every week, every seven days, Sunday comes around. Meaning no matter what, something needs to be ready and prepared within just over 144 hours. But whose counting?

2) A Sabbath is a must. God is a wise God - and His command to take a break is for our benefit. Let me put it another way: there should be a WHOLE 24 hour period where you do NOT think about the sermon - or where you repeat to yourself "I will not think of next Sunday's sermon - over and over.
3) Let go of your perfectionist tendencies. I know I had to. I am so self-critical that if I begin to reflect and knit-pick everything that isn't right or can be done better then I lose the hope that I am meant to embody in my message.
4) Keep your eyes fixed upward. The moment you start worrying about what people are going to say then something else has entered into the process of learning God's truth for that week.
5) It really is true "The heart of a man plans His step, but the Lord directs His paths." Many times I began my message by thinking I was going in a certain direction, and God almost surprised me by where I ended up.The steps I took through the sermon preparation process were the ones needed to keep me moving, but God had my course and destination a head of time. I just had to get there.
6) When you are weak, then God is strong.

7) I know that I want to see more and more people involved in worship - from prayer, to reading of Scripture, to collection, to greeting, to hospitality, to worship leading, to singing, etc. Why the same people doing the same things? Man! I loved it when people get to participate. (Plus it lets me focus more on the one thing I need to focus on in a worship service.)



\manda

I am not ashamed of...or am I?

 But it still isn't easy. Along with Paul, I can say that I am not ashamed of the Gospel. And what I loved about learning to preach was how to bring the Gospel, how to bring hope, into the world. In no way do I want to be an obstacle for the Gospel, and yet...And yet I find that my physical presence, which is obviously female, may, in and of itself, be an obstacle.

I struggled with this, so much so, that after I would preach I'd have to go take a walk on the shore and wrestle this out with God. Until He reminded  me of the words from Psalm 139 - "I am fearfully and wonderfully made." Which includes everything about me! Spiritual and physical. And the obstacle that I was so worried about, (which sounds weird to say), the obstacle of my body, really wasn't about me. If others were not open to hearing a female preach, that obstacle had  more to do with them then it did with me. (Now of course I do want to clarify that I still have my responsibility to play in this - so lest you be worried that I'm going to start preaching in short skirts and skimpy tops - I still want to be considerate and modest.;)

This also doesn't mean that I am going to start marching around holding signs, demanding my "rights" to preach. No. In the words of one wise lady "I am not going to go where I am not invited." I don't preach because I have a point to prove, for the moment that starts happening, preaching stops and presumption starts. I preach because, quite selfishly, I get to spend time in the Word, learning up close and personal, how the world looks from God's perspective and what He intends to do about it. And then I get to share that, hopefully getting out of the way enough to point to God alone, but realizing that because I am made the way that I am, I get out of the way, in my own unique way.

\manda

The juxtaposed journey: a female...and in leadership. PART 1

I grew up in a church where the concept of female leadership did not exist outside Sunday school or the nursery. There were no female deacons, elders, and certainly - no female pastors. Women participated in the worship service with the use of their musical gifts, but that was as far as it went. I am not saying this as a judgement. It is just the simple truth. And I know that some of you reading this, still hold strongly to that belief. I would say that even some of my friends hold this belief. Others reading this may have always had female leaders in their churches, and have never thought twice about it. However, I feel compelled to write on this topic because I have been lead to service in, what I believed five years ago, was not a biblical vocation for a woman. The following, my reflection on women in leadership, is not meant to be judgmental, but is a honest discussion of my own journey.

Entering my final year of seminary, I strongly was convicted that if I was graduating with a Masters of Divinity (though my focus is in Pastoral Care and Counseling), at the very least, I needed to learn how to preach. "If you are getting a degree that says you are trained for ministry, then you need to be trained for ministry in every way possible" I thought to myself. And so I signed up for an introduction to preaching class, still unconvinced that it was something I should be doing.Certainly I was expecting my professor, a former pastor with 25 years of experience, to end the semester by saying something to the effect of "Well, Amanda, preaching is not your thing, but maybe try your gifting here."  ("Here" being anywhere but preaching.)

But that didn't happen. Instead I received immensely positive feedback from classmates and teacher alike. And surprisingly, I HAD SO MUCH FUN during the preparation and the giving of the sermon itself. Now I am not here to toot my own horn, because I have ALOT to learn about preaching, but the fact could not be avoided that: I was able to preach. And.... I enjoyed it.

SO NOW WHAT?

stay tuned....




\manda

 The glory of the Christian walk is that we have the FREEDOM to be INTENTIONAL.

Without Christ, our  nature inclines us to one thing, and one thing only: sin.

Through Christ we are able to choose life and with life we are enabled to be intentional. This should not overwhelm us, but instead, this empowers us to do exactly as our new nature would both choose and enable us to live.

On Anxiety...

Take 20 minutes to put your anxiety in perspective.

Listen

\manda

Prayer:

Remember there is absolutely nothing outside the reach of God. And since He is outside of time, it is never too late to pray about anything."

Isaiah 65:24, "I will answer them before they even call to Me.

Choosing TO BE vs. Choosing to NOT BE

"Okay," you say, "that's all very well and good, but now what? We understand that we are called into BEING first, out of which flows our doing. We see that this began right at the Fall, where Eve believed that by doing something first, this would cause her to become someone as a result. And upon evaluation, how many of my friends notice WHO I am separate from what I do? How do I BE first and DO second?"

Well, it is ironic that my first inclination would be to give you a list of things you should DO to help you to BE. So instead of doing that I think I would like to raise some points for consideration about what SHOULD NOT be done. And we can work from there...

I think it is really important to make the distinction between you choosing NOT to "be like that" as opposed TO choosing "to be like that." Confusing? Let me use an example. I have had conversations with many different couples early on in their relationship - and they have said to me things like: "We don't want to be like so-and-so..." or "We don't want to do what they do when such-and-such happened" and so on. All of these sentences cloaked in "don'ts" and looking at...who? Looking at other couples. They choose who they become as a couple based on what parts of other couples they don't (or sometimes do) like. But the focus is all wrong. Rather then frolicking (I love that word!) in the freedom of choice that we have in Christ to BE someone as opposed to NOT be someone...they look horizontally at others and decide what the standard should be.

So, I think the first point of consideration: what is the standard for which you are striving? Who are you called to be? And not: who are you called to NOT be.

The First Lie of Identity...right in Eden

Read Gen. 3.

Have you ever noticed that Satan challenges Eve's identity when he is laying the trap for her to eat the apple? He says, "For God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil." He inverts the natural order of "being" right here! Let me explain:

We read that God creates Adam and Eve himself in Chapter 2:7. The creation of humankind has special significance because God does not "speak them into being" as He had the rest of creation. Instead we read that he forms mankind from the dust of the ground - and then breathes life into them. From the moment they are given life WHO they are is (literally) from God Himself. Only after they have their identity (which is elaborated on in the latter half of Chapter 2) then they are given the command to tend the garden, and it is because of WHO they are (and who they are called to be) that God commands them not to eat of the tree of knowledge of good and evil (Gen.2:16-17). What they are to do is established as a result of WHO they are. Their deeds (or what they should not do) flows out of their identity.

Then, when Satan comes along - he not only causes Eve to question God's character but he twists around God's created order for "being." In essence, Satan says to Eve 'Do this (eat of the tree)...which will make you like this (God). WOW! Do something and this will make you someone.
God had established WHO Adam and Eve and their deeds flowed out of who they were called to be. Satan twists this and says...do this...and it will make WHO you are.

There really is nothing new under the sun.

Pic: courtesy of: http://lostprovince.net/illustrations/images/Serpent.jpg

Calling Out the Lies by Bringing them into the Light of Christ: 1.

Studying in SEMINARY has made me realize how easily it is for us to let ourselves become defined by what we DO instead of WHO WE ARE. The reason I think this is obvious in this environment is because we are studying what we believe we are being called to DO, becoming equipped for it. Yet it is so easy in this process to forget that equipping is not the same as transforming.

I remember being convicted of this within my own life when I moved to Honduras. A few months into the new job and culture, I realized that I was doing all these great things "in the Name of Christ" but that in that I was forgetting to pursue CHRIST HIMSELF. In other words, I was one of those people in Matt.7 - those who bang on the door of the banquet room and say "Did we not do _________ (substitute your own doing) in your Name?" And Christ says "I never knew you."

It is so easy in the Christian life to pursue a life of great doings for Christ - rather then the life of great being in Christ. I am not saying by any means that I have it figured out but here are some questions that may help in your personal meditation:

1) If what I was doing right now (or the role that I am in) was taken away from me, would my identity be lost?

2) Am I often the subject of compliments from others about what I do, rather then WHO I am when I am, when with them. (THIS IS A BIGGIE!!) That doesn't mean the encouragement regarding what you do is wrong, just take a second to reflect on how often people see WHO you are outside of what you are doing.

3) And then...am I able to see character in others that is apart from what they do? Actively search to SEE PEOPLE rather then their jobs.

4) Who am I called to be? Yes, the obvious answer is "Jesus" but reflect on what that means. This does not mean think about WWJD - but WHO Jesus was. Then the question of what you should do will be answered.

Maybe I can live 2010 in THIS TRUTH

Our Deepest Fear
by Marianne Williamson

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant,
gorgeous, handsome, talented and fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.

Your playing small does not serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking
so that other people won't feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine, as children do.

We were born to make manifest the glory of God within us.
It is not just in some, it is in everyone.

And, as we let our light shine, we consciously give
other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our fear,
our presence automatically liberates others.

This year I learnt that...

you can make plans,
and dream with the desires
and knowledge that you have

BUT

hold them with an open hand
and with an ear to the voice of the Holy Spirit,
and with a heart that longs to follow Him.

THEN

He will bless you
beyond what you could have imagined,
teach you things you didn't know you needed to learn,
heal wounds you didn't know were there,
and fill you with joy amid struggle,
and give you peace and certainty

THAT

the journey you are taking,
is part of the destination you strive for.

The next few solos and Choruses talk about how Jesus was mocked, how we was sorrowful, and how we took on our transgressions. Then the Soprano sings about Jesus triumph over Hell and the Chorus responds with : Lift Up youp Heads Oh Yeah Gates. Listen to how closely the strings imitate the chorus - or the chorus imitates the strings.

Then we have another favourite solo done by bass (wow if you can sing low!) Here is another example of how the strings are used to create the truth of the text within the melody. Why do the nations so furiously rage together.

And then after a tenor solo you have the most famous piece of the Messiah (you should recognize it from various movies, such as Shrek).

The Hallelujah Chorus. This song gives me goose bumps. If imperfect man can sing this - imagine heaven!! If you also ever hear this live you will stand up for this song because when it was first performed for the King in Handel's time, (I think George) he stood up. And so now, every performance of this song the audience stands.

Enjoy!

Without drawing this out and making it a real bore - I have just selected a few songs as highlights. These are songs that you may know once you hear them.

We are now in Part II - which is the passion of Christ. It opens with "Behold the Lamb of God." You may have noticed that the first part was about the life of Christ, but it never discussed what Christ said. Messiah favours covering a "broad" - or comprehensive - understanding of Christ's life. Therefore you have his birth talked about, his healings (as prophesied in Isaiah) and that He is a shepherd. This metaphor will be picked up on in Part II.

Then the Chorus sings two heart rending songs.

Surely He Hath Borne Our Griefs
- is a choral piece that unites everyone in song - uniting us in our guilt about the necessity of Christ to bear sin for us. The message is haunting...and so is the music.
- listen to the music chord change at "the chastisment" - even if you are "not musical" you will know the part when you hear it.

AND one of my favorites, picking up on the sheep theme again.

All We Like Sheep...have gone astray. We have turned (and the music for this part is dizzying. The effect of the music is meant to create the effect of turning away from God - there is only confusion.) And a good conductor will have the choir, when they are singing many notes but only one word, it actually sounds like the Baahh of sheep. It is a wonderful song because the mode of music creates the reality of the text. If you don't listen to any other song, listen to this one. And just remember that sheep are also some of the dumbest animals;)

Soprano: Narrates

The next three solos are by the soprano (don't worry they are not long) - who narrates about the experience of the shepherds in hearing the message of Christ's birth.

Solo:

And then you hear the voices of the angels as sung by the Chorus. Beautiful!! Close your eyes and image this song as sung to you by the angels.

Oops..I thought this was posted..and it wasn't.

The biblical texts of Handel's Messiah were selected by Charles Jennen, a literary scholar who worked with Shakespeare. He selected texts from the King James Version of the Old and New Testaments that Handel would eventually put to music.


We are still in part one, where the prophecies about Jesus are being sung.



In "Thus saith the Lord" the audience is introduced to the bass voice and in "But Who May Abide" we hear the alto (and sorry to say men, but this part has been done by a man as well - called a counter-tenor)



Finally we have the chorus in "And He Shall Purify". In this particular version the conductor has chosen to use some instruments that are more characteristic of the time of Handel. You can here the strings in the beginning...and a bassoon-like instrument throughout the bass. Here how it mimics the bass singers. You can also hear the harpsichord - which was either 1) a harp laid horizontally or b) an early piano - depending on how you look at it.

NOW: the actually story - short alto solo - then stay on the same page and listen to the next song.

Behold, a virgin shall conceive

AND a piece that you probably have heard before but did not know it was part of the Messiah:

"For unto us a child is born" - and just listen to how the strings and the melody create the joy of the message being given.

A Handle on Handel (Did you see that? Did you see what I did just there?)

So. I don't know if you have every composed a piece of music. But it usually takes a LONG time - at least even when played usually there is some part you feel that you could do better on. Imagine composing a host of music - a two-three hour-long symphony...and all in three weeks. And this is not just chord writing, or music for one instrument. We are talking four voice choir, plus four soloists, plus an ENTIRE orchestra!!! That is exactly how Handel's Messiah was composed: 24 days and one of the greatest classical masterpieces of all time. It is said that during this time he forgot to eat, and that the servants of the house could here his sobs as he wrote the music.

Messiah is composed in three parts
1) Advent and Christmas stories
2) The Passion, Resurrection & Ascension of Christ
3) Christ's return

Messiah begins with prophetic messages from the Old Testament.

Comfort Ye (tenor solo). Listen to the words of the prophet as spoken by the angel at Jesus' birth. God among me was not a source of fear but a source of Joy.

Handel does something called "text painting": where the musical notes mimic what the text is saying. (The most famous song being "Hallelujah Chorus": where the music expresses that Hallelujah by the way it is structured. Listen to the following songs with your eyes closed and see how the words are reflected in the music to which it is put. Listen to this idea in the following songs.

Every Valley (Tenor Solo)
And the Glory (Chorus)