I am not ashamed of...or am I?

 But it still isn't easy. Along with Paul, I can say that I am not ashamed of the Gospel. And what I loved about learning to preach was how to bring the Gospel, how to bring hope, into the world. In no way do I want to be an obstacle for the Gospel, and yet...And yet I find that my physical presence, which is obviously female, may, in and of itself, be an obstacle.

I struggled with this, so much so, that after I would preach I'd have to go take a walk on the shore and wrestle this out with God. Until He reminded  me of the words from Psalm 139 - "I am fearfully and wonderfully made." Which includes everything about me! Spiritual and physical. And the obstacle that I was so worried about, (which sounds weird to say), the obstacle of my body, really wasn't about me. If others were not open to hearing a female preach, that obstacle had  more to do with them then it did with me. (Now of course I do want to clarify that I still have my responsibility to play in this - so lest you be worried that I'm going to start preaching in short skirts and skimpy tops - I still want to be considerate and modest.;)

This also doesn't mean that I am going to start marching around holding signs, demanding my "rights" to preach. No. In the words of one wise lady "I am not going to go where I am not invited." I don't preach because I have a point to prove, for the moment that starts happening, preaching stops and presumption starts. I preach because, quite selfishly, I get to spend time in the Word, learning up close and personal, how the world looks from God's perspective and what He intends to do about it. And then I get to share that, hopefully getting out of the way enough to point to God alone, but realizing that because I am made the way that I am, I get out of the way, in my own unique way.

\manda

Look in the right direction...

I was conflicted. That's what happened. To use a metaphor: it was like I had tasted something REALLY good, and I was intrigued by it and wanted to examine it closer - but at the same time I had grown up thinking this thing was inedible. So...what to do?

Well, for starters I sought the council of many people. I had done a lot of reading, biblical and otherwise, on the topic for a number of years. Yet there did not seem to be a conclusive and decisive opinion. I had friends and family, literally, in both "camps" - those who felt it was not right (thinking of specific texts in Timothy and Corinthians, the curse following the Fall, etc) and those who were surprised by my struggle because they had grown up in churches with female pastors (think that these texts in Timothy and Corinthians were more contextual then we realized, that all are equal in Christ, etc.) I felt myself pulled in two directions. Pulled in two horizontal directions and if I wasn't careful I would end up breaking trying to appease one or the other.

Until I realized I was looking in the wrong direction.

I needed to look upwards. Toward God. What did HE have to say about this? And more specifically what did HE have to say about me?

In that I realized a few things:

1. Preaching is a gift - it is a proclamation of the Gospel. And that, my friends, can only come from one place: God Himself. Our sinful nature, our self-reliance, our desire for autonomy all naturally screams for the opposite of the Gospel. To proclaim Him victorious & Him risen is something that only comes from God.

2. God would not give a gift that would make one of His children less like what He has planned in His redemption of creation. That simply would not make sense. If it was not His plan to have women preach, then no female would ever have the gift to preach.

3. God does not make mistakes. He created me EXACTLY as I am meant to be, and because I am pursuing Him I am becoming even more like He would have me be. Not less so. Which means that this is part of my sanctification as well. Moreover, He takes delight in me, which includes the gifts He gives me.



So I realized that I had a choice in front of me: I needed to choose between FEAR or FAITH. I could make my choice and shrink in FEAR of what others (family and friends) would say regarding this part of my life OR I could make a choice and step in FAITH, trusting in the character of God and His plan for me.

So I took the step.

to be continued...

\manda

The juxtaposed journey: a female...and in leadership. PART 1

I grew up in a church where the concept of female leadership did not exist outside Sunday school or the nursery. There were no female deacons, elders, and certainly - no female pastors. Women participated in the worship service with the use of their musical gifts, but that was as far as it went. I am not saying this as a judgement. It is just the simple truth. And I know that some of you reading this, still hold strongly to that belief. I would say that even some of my friends hold this belief. Others reading this may have always had female leaders in their churches, and have never thought twice about it. However, I feel compelled to write on this topic because I have been lead to service in, what I believed five years ago, was not a biblical vocation for a woman. The following, my reflection on women in leadership, is not meant to be judgmental, but is a honest discussion of my own journey.

Entering my final year of seminary, I strongly was convicted that if I was graduating with a Masters of Divinity (though my focus is in Pastoral Care and Counseling), at the very least, I needed to learn how to preach. "If you are getting a degree that says you are trained for ministry, then you need to be trained for ministry in every way possible" I thought to myself. And so I signed up for an introduction to preaching class, still unconvinced that it was something I should be doing.Certainly I was expecting my professor, a former pastor with 25 years of experience, to end the semester by saying something to the effect of "Well, Amanda, preaching is not your thing, but maybe try your gifting here."  ("Here" being anywhere but preaching.)

But that didn't happen. Instead I received immensely positive feedback from classmates and teacher alike. And surprisingly, I HAD SO MUCH FUN during the preparation and the giving of the sermon itself. Now I am not here to toot my own horn, because I have ALOT to learn about preaching, but the fact could not be avoided that: I was able to preach. And.... I enjoyed it.

SO NOW WHAT?

stay tuned....




\manda