The real secret: who are you when no one is looking?

This past summer I spent I good chunk of my time in isolation. It was a feast or famine scenario: either I had a lot of people around, all the time, OR, I had no one around at all. Not a single person.

It was during these times by myself that I learned a lot. Not just about myself but also about God. It was in these stretches of being by myself, these times when no one was around to affirm, support, direct, supervise, oversee, challenge, (in)validate, and any other action words you can insert here, that the truths of Matthew 6 were impressed upon me.

In this passage, the phrase "Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret..." is repeated a few times. It is the "done in secret" that caught my attention.  And we are talking about a "secret" so hidden that your 'left hand does not know what your right hand is doing' (my paraphrase). Others are not to be aware of your giving, not aware of your praying, not aware of your fasting. These actions, which are also practiced as part of community, are assumed to be part of that personal space that no one else sees. In Jesus words: "be careful not to practice your righteousness in front of others..." (6.1) but do "in secret."

Why this emphasis on "in secret." Because the incarnate God also truly knows our hearts. He know that we crave human recognition and affirmation of who we are by what we do. He knows that tendency of ours to seek our identity in our performance, and our desire for definition in how we are perceived in the eyes of others.

BUT: it is when no one else is looking that who you are is revealed. It is when no one else will ever know that you scrubbed that toilet, or washed those windows, or cleaned out those cupboards. When no one else knows or even cares that this report is written or that you listened to that song. Or that you looked at that website or that you fantasized about that relationship. 

I'm not just saying this because the age old phrase of "well, God sees" is applicable here. I'm saying this because you are able to know what type of person you are from the way you spend your time when no one else is looking. The "in the secret" part is not for God to know who we are. He knows us more deeply than we know ourselves. No, the "in the secret" part is for us; it is a way that we are able to gauge and measure ourselves. And it is in the secret that our true selves are shown. 

So: who are you when no one is looking?