Alas...the death of chivalry and the birth of confusion!

The following post may seem a bit random, but it has come from some recent conversations with friends and family on the nature of how guys and girls (men and women) are supposed to interact (this does not just refer to dating relationships but between friends of different genders as well). My purpose here is two-fold: 1) I hope to remind people of what chivalry actually is and 2) create freedom for the expression of chivalry.

First, if a man holds a door for a woman, she may respond with "thanks," and then proceeds through the door. If he holds the door for the woman after her, she may respond with "who do you think you are?" or "are you saying I can't hold open my own door?" and then angrily wait for the man to proceed through the door. One act, two women, two very different reactions. What's a guy to do? Well, in the end, I think more and more are choosing to do nothing.

In the words of my mom "well, it is all just so confusing."

What has happened here? Chivalry was the the code of conduct that came out of the medieval times and was specifically associated with knights. Over centuries it has come to be associated with the character of knights and gentlemen, and included: bravery, courage, service, loyalty, generosity and courtly love. In the past, chivalry was about the character and the honor of the man, which was expressed through his care and treatment of a woman.

However, in a society that is immensely self-obsessed, when a chivalrous act is done by a man, a woman will make it about her, and what this man is saying about her. Ladies, I am sorry to tell you this but: CHIVALRY IS NOT ABOUT YOU.

Men: Chivalry is about your principles and out of that flows how you believe women should be treated. So make a choice for yourself about how you think women should be treated, and be consistent in that. Treat every woman with that same standard. (Which I hope will be a high standard.) I have a male friend who does this very well: he will do things like open the door for a girl and will walk on the side closest to the road when we are walking on the street. He does this for every girl.
Women: When a man extends chivalry, stop making it about you, and allow it to be about him. For some reason we have made the expression of chivalry about us...when it isn't. So in the case of my friend, I see that this is about his principles and not about his view of me or my competence. So I let him treat me this way, and honestly, it is nice. And making that choice is the act of a principled person...so this also says something about me to...when it isn't about me. Ironic isn't it?

May the games begin!