Bittersweet

So some people have been wondering about how teaching is going - maybe as this is the reason I came here in the first place - it is more than overdue for me to provide an update.
The last few weeks have been quite a struggle for me - I feel that I am constantly dealing with discipline issues and therefore that I am unable to connect with my kids because I am always telling them off for something.
My mom gave me a good piece of advice: don't forget the positive in light of the negative. More easily said than done. Anyways, I had been getting to the point where I was in a bad mood BEFORE I went into the classroom - anticipating what I was going to have to deal with it before it even happened. Not good for me - not good for the kids. It was unfair.
Instead, I had to think about my relationship with Jesus - how patient he is with me and my sins and weaknesses and remember that parable of the talents - if I have been given so much who am I to not give even a part of that back to my kids? In short: I needed to be Christ to them - but the big question was: was does Christ look like? Because I know that it definately does not mean to let people walk all over you - or to treat each other poorly - or to not do what you ask. But it also does not mean that you are a tyrant with no patience for shortcomings or yelling at them either. Sigh. Oh the life of a Christian. This helped tilt my world a little more properly than it was - but there is still work to be done. After praying and studying this is what I have become convicted to do:
1) Memorize the fruits of the spirit with an emphasis on one fruit a day. See where I need to "shape up" and where I can see the love of God in my life and in the lives of other people.
2) I need to change how I deal with my anger. (eat some humble pie here). Question I ask: what does godly anger look like? what are the right things to get angry over? (Yeah - still working through that.)
3) Make sure that I am being consistant.
4) Make sure that I can still have fun, still be humble, and still be teachable. So I talked with one of my classes about what I could do better as a teacher. To say they were in shock is a little bit of an understatement. They didn't know if I was serious. I was - I was also nervous - but I needed to know how to serve them better. It went really well - they gave me some really great ideas for different ways of teaching - plus I could also explain to them why certain things didn't work in that class. Finally - they said: "miss you need to smile more" - which is really sweet - but I also told them that they need to give me reason to smile more.

Things are picking up. It is also close to Christmas which makes behaviour go out the window. But I also can't forget the hugs that I get from my students when I arrive in class, I can't forget the way they listen when I share something personal, I can't forget that I have the privledge of touching their life for a short time.

Chewing on the humble pie,
\manda