Dear Ms.Conceptions,
I am a currently
working at a church and I am frustrated by how often people make assumptions
about me based on my position as leader in the church. How do I explain to
people what they expect of me, is not the same as who I am? Mr. E. Leader
Dear Mr. E. Leader,
You are not alone!
Hopefully sharing some of people’s common misunderstandings of Christian
leaders will help you to share this with others. Some of the hardest things I
have had to deal with are people’s perceptions of me in the following areas:
1)
That because I am a leader, I am strong. The reality is: I
am not strong. I honestly believe that it is only because I am so aware of
my weakness and my desperate need of God, that He is able to use me. What is
strong is my conviction to be stewardly with myself and my gifts (which in
certain cases may call me to leadership).
2)
That because I am a leader, speaking in front of
people must be easier for me. Time and again I have had people say “It’s so easy for you to speak
out, or to say such-and-such.” What things appear
to be, and what they are, are two entirely separate matters. Speaking out and
speaking up in front of people is never an easy task. Speaking out with the
truth doesn’t tend to make you popular and speaking up in front of people makes
me sweat (though some people do enjoy it).
3)
That because I am a leader, “leading is easier for
me.” A leader with no
followers is a day dreamer. You cannot be a leader unless someone is following.
Therefore the reality is that my leadership depends on others making the choice
to follow me. And that choice has nothing
to do with me. So that can be easier or it can be harder depending on your
point of view.
4)
That because I am a leader, that means I like to lead. This may be true for some people all/most the time.
Or for others (I suspect the majority) we only like it some of the time. Recently,
I was involved with hosting a group of people. The leader of this group was
going to be absent, and she put me “in charge” of this group. While I believe
that she honestly meant it as a compliment (and the fact that she trusted me
was a compliment) at the same time it came with the assumption that I wanted to
be “in charge.” But I didn’t. If there are areas in my ministry (and in my
life!) where others can lead, I want
to let them. (Though I will acknowledge that not all people think like this.)
5)
That because I am a leader, I must have a “super”
spiritual life. I often find some
people are intimidated to share their struggles with me because they are
worried about what I am going to think of them. NEWS FLASH: I AM HUMAN. I also
have struggles. I doubt. I re-act imperfectly. The reality of my spiritual life
is what I do and who I become when I am struggling. There is nothing super
spiritual about that: its life.
6)
That because I am a leader…I am not going to fail or
mess up or make mistakes. Remind me again why
are we all surprised when leaders fail or have large blind spots? God calls the
most unlikely and broken people to be leaders. Moses was a shepherd and not
good with words. David was young and had a wandering eye. Paul was not good
with writing. Martin Luther was anti-Semitic. I am not perfect and I will do things imperfectly. I'm hoping people will have grace with me when I do mess up.
Hopefully this helps!
Ms.Conceptions
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